The Quick and the Bread

When I was young, I enjoyed reading stories about martial arts. This winter, I came across Crunchy Tiger, Hidden Mansion, a work by Kash 2022, which ignited my thirst for adventure. I wanted to find the hidden house of the 100-year-old kung fu master, Mr A, and go through his trials. In the morning, I dyed my hair red to look like Mr A's student, Kash 2022. I waited impatiently till the end of the workday. When it finished, I wore a red t-shirt and a tacky backpack, and I was ready to search for kung fu wisdom.

I used Kash 2022's script as a guide to locate the hidden mansion and avoid all the mistakes she has made before completing her challenge. I didn't knock on the wrong door or hesitate to press both doorbells at Mr A's secret house.

"Welcome", spoke Master A when the door opened, "Are you the same trainee who came to me the last time?" I said yes. "No one had visited me since you were here", said the Master. When he ushered me in, I went straight to his room without taking off my shoes - a mistake that had cost Kash 2022 time and embarrassment.

Master A handed me a scroll with his challenge. It said:

• Bread
• Milk +
• 6 Eggs
• Sausage
• 4 Steak Pies
• Stamps
• 12 seconds

My cheeky smile disappeared after I read the last part. 12 seconds. I froze in disbelief. "Just get the bread and six pints of milk. Eggs and stamps are not important", said Master A pointing me to the door. "Take your time", he added. The countdown has started.

I wasted 2 seconds trying to open the stubborn front door. Running to the shops was out of the question. I accumulated my Chi and teleported myself to the entrance inside Morrisons. The technique was so exhausting I grabbed three bananas and a nut & fruit mix for later to replenish my energy. I jumped above the bodies of people who passed out, seeing my unconventional arrival, and landed in the milk section. Six pints of whole milk - check. I sensed the energy of the steak pies and used my powers to pull them towards me. A bag of two from the oven section and a couple from the fridge landed in my hands. I used telekinesis to reach for the shopping basket as I hadn't learned how to make objects levitate for a longer time. That cost me an extra 1 second. I somersaulted through the processed meat section, choosing the sausages with the latest use-by date and landed in front of Morrisons bakery. I picked up a crunchy loaf and knew Master A would love it sliced. I was ready to use the tiger palm bread-chopping technique but that would take 2 seconds, and I had only 5 left to complete the challenge.

There were no eggs in Morrisons. I found only one box of six but the shells were broken. If only I was good at putting things together rather than breaking them! Without hesitation, I chopped with my palm the £20 note Mr A gave me into smaller denominations and left the change at the till. I rushed into the Polish shop on the opposite side of the road. There was the last box of eggs waiting on the shelf. They were intact. I salivated at a thought of eating such a luxury as eggs but those were for Master A. I didn't have to use any powers to speed up the checkout experience as Polish cashiers are extremely fast and diligent. I had 3 seconds left to get the stamps.

I teleported myself to the front of the post office. There was only one person in front of me. It took me a second to estimate I would wait for 7 minutes until she sorts out her parcel. I could not afford that. That pushed me to use a very demanding technique of slowing down the time. I concentrated hard and moved like a flash around the post office to find the stamps while everyone else froze in time. The face of the motionless customer almost made me laugh but I couldn't lose my focus. I had no idea how many stamps I should get. I decided on 12. I released the Chi I held while stopping the time, then gathered it again to use teleportation. That used the last bits of my energy. There was one second left.

Before I collapsed on Master A's doormat, I pressed both doorbells. The stamps have fallen out of my hand. With the corner of my eye, I caught the letters: 1st. What would it say if not first? Second. Stamps, 12 seconds. That's what Master A's script said. Twelve second-class stamps. I was fooled and failed the trial, bringing the wrong thing.

I got up just in time to see Mr A open the door. We went to his room where I unpacked all the groceries and gave him change. He was delighted and said that the first-class stamps are brilliant. He told me to keep the change but I refused, just like Kash 2022 had done. I was waiting for the mental battle to ensue but that didn't happen. Master A offered me three small unbranded chocolate or cereal bars instead. I took them. I was no match for Master A and wouldn't beat him in the mind duel as Kash 2022 did.

Mr A said he was very, very grateful I came. He said I was welcome anytime and that he could use more help with his shopping. I pointed him to GoodGym instead. I didn't give him my number but wrote down my name, which I won't tell you, Dear Reader. Only Master A will know it.